Office Romance

“My goodness,” said Chloe, staring at her least favorite co-worker, “I never noticed it before. Josephine’s a shark!”

“Well, of course,” said Sam. He hung over the edge of her cubicle and stole the piece of her long blond hair that had fallen onto her desk. “Experimental project from the boys upstairs. Very hush-hush. I read about it in the office newsletter.”

They stared at Josephine together; Sam only pretended to do so, instead sneaking another look at Chloe.

She chewed on a paper clip. “I suppose the teeth should have been a dead giveaway, but that weird receptionist down on 11th has filed teeth and implanted horns, so I just assumed it was something similar.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, the people on 11th are really weird. To be honest, I’m not sure they’re people. It always smells like brimstone, and I saw a guy on the elevator with a bifurcated tongue yesterday.”

“Oh, no, that’s Kevin. He’s new. Works over in Accounting. I think it’s kinda hot.” Chloe looked down at her desk. “Did you steal that strand of hair? I was saving that.”

Sam slipped the hair into his pocket. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. And I heard that bifurcated tongues collect a lot of bacteria.”

Chloe’s eyes went wide. “I’m against bacteria!”

Sam smiled. “As you should be.” She smiled back, and he felt a warm glow overpower his inhibitions. “Um, Chloe?”

Chloe began to gnaw on her stapler. “Yes, Sam?”

He shuffled his feet against the carpet, building up electricity. Reaching out to her, he missed and hit the metal edging on her cubicle. “Ow! Um. Anyways. Would you like . . . would you maybe go out with me sometime?”

“Oh, Sam, I’d love to! But first, I have a confession to make.” Chloe spoke around the stapler, garbling her words, then spat it out. “Sorry. I just have to tell you. . .” she looked down. “I have beaver DNA. I have to chew on things constantly, or my teeth would grow really long and I’d lose my job.”

Sam touched the back of her hand and grinned. “It’s alright, Chloe. My parents used to own a lumberyard, before they went bankrupt. Soon after, they died in a terrible high-speed bus chase. I was so heart-broken that I never sold the wood.” He clasped her hand and pulled her up from her chair. “It’s all yours.”

“Oh, Sam!” said Chloe.

“Oh, Chloe!” said Sam.

They embraced.

Josephine walked by and sneered. "You two are violating the regulations of the office. Interpersonal fraternizing is strictly forbidden.”

Chloe stuck her tongue out at her. “Aw, go suck chum.”

Pressing her flipper to her mouth, Josephine’s eyes welled up with tears. “Who told you?”

“It was in the office newspaper,” said Sam.

“I hate you!” Josephine ran into the bathroom.

Chloe winced. “Maybe we were too hard on her. I mean, after all, it’s not easy being a chimera. I was an experiment done by the boys upstairs too.”

Sam shrugged. “One time she slapped me and tore my face to pieces because I told her she couldn’t have my last blue file folder. I’m not worried.” He pulled her close again. “Now, where were we?”

Chloe turned her face up to his, then stopped, her mouth dropping open. “Did you notice?”

“What?”

“They finally figured out how to make tears in a biological construction! I’ve got to see them right away!” Chloe wriggled from his arms.

Sam frowned. “Can’t it wait just one more day?”

Chloe tipped her head to the side and thought. “Okay. But only because I’m madly in love with you and want to have your children.”

“I’m willing to accept that,” said Sam. He kissed her.